I can't believe that I would be saying this, but now my undergrad career is almost done. For the past three days I have turned in three papers. And now I'm going to study for my last final exam of my university life, early 19th century art.
I still remember this same feeling that occurred to me my senior spring in high school. I don't recall the subject I was studying for anymore, but i vividly remember telling myself this. i think it's because the sheer end of something is more symbolically powerful than that something itself. but i just hope that one day in the future - maybe the last day of my grad school - i'll still recall this very day when I just sat down and prepared for this exam. just for the hell of it, perhaps.
I don't know how to feel about graduating. Of course, as with anything in my life, i want to move on and try new things. but these past four years has certainly been a hell of a ride. people ask me if i'm 'excited.' my only, and pretentious, reaction would be like why would you feel excited about something you have planned out since the beginning, something you know is sure to happen?
Of course i am sad, wishing i had a few more months so i would have done something differently. but because i am me, i know by the end of these imaginary extra months, i would still wish i could prolong it further. so i guess the best word that captures my feeling and action is stunned. i'm stunned at the swift passage of time, at how much i have learned and changed, and at the person I now am and the person that I've come to love.
I didn't realise until recently that college is more about how we learnings than the things we learn. and i'm glad that although now i'm not where i've wanted to be yet, at least i think now i know how to get be to where i want to be. it's all about will power.
Back to where i started. tonight and tomorrow will be my absolute last chance to flaunt as a liberal arts student. although i've lost all my ability to focus, i'll just try my best and pull this together one last time. because i know i will regret this. next month and maybe forever, i won't get to run around carrying this 19th-century art reader. yes i'm a pretty superficial and self-absorbed poser. but it gives me joy.
I still remember this same feeling that occurred to me my senior spring in high school. I don't recall the subject I was studying for anymore, but i vividly remember telling myself this. i think it's because the sheer end of something is more symbolically powerful than that something itself. but i just hope that one day in the future - maybe the last day of my grad school - i'll still recall this very day when I just sat down and prepared for this exam. just for the hell of it, perhaps.
I don't know how to feel about graduating. Of course, as with anything in my life, i want to move on and try new things. but these past four years has certainly been a hell of a ride. people ask me if i'm 'excited.' my only, and pretentious, reaction would be like why would you feel excited about something you have planned out since the beginning, something you know is sure to happen?
Of course i am sad, wishing i had a few more months so i would have done something differently. but because i am me, i know by the end of these imaginary extra months, i would still wish i could prolong it further. so i guess the best word that captures my feeling and action is stunned. i'm stunned at the swift passage of time, at how much i have learned and changed, and at the person I now am and the person that I've come to love.
I didn't realise until recently that college is more about how we learnings than the things we learn. and i'm glad that although now i'm not where i've wanted to be yet, at least i think now i know how to get be to where i want to be. it's all about will power.
Back to where i started. tonight and tomorrow will be my absolute last chance to flaunt as a liberal arts student. although i've lost all my ability to focus, i'll just try my best and pull this together one last time. because i know i will regret this. next month and maybe forever, i won't get to run around carrying this 19th-century art reader. yes i'm a pretty superficial and self-absorbed poser. but it gives me joy.
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